I've been feeling really anxious lately and I really do not know why I feel that. Last night in staff meeting I felt so anxious I can't even think of a better word, like my heart was beating fast, I had a knot in my stomach and everything. I did not like it.
Tension is really building on my floor. Too many people are dating each other on the floor. Last night I had one of my residents in room for like 2 hours talking about how he is worried about his relationship, and then I had an other resident come in, in  the middle of that saying how she thought everyone was mad at her and she doesn't know why. I also have an other resdent that is emotionly abusing an other one of my residents which is his girlfriend. And I had to talk to her about but she is not  really ready to admit to it, so it really sucks cause I can't really help her other than saying that I'm here if she ever needs but other then that I have to wait until she is ready to realize that the relationship is not healthy. And so all the girls hate that guy who is doing that. And then I have a resident moving in on my floor who is from the 1st floor and none of the girls like him for some reason and one of my resdients is moving in with him because he doesn't get along with his roommate and......it just goes on and on. I'm really worried that everything is just going to explode with drama soon. That would really suck!! I mean I love my floor but some of them can cause sooo much drama over nothing..... Like they all went to canada together and I already had 2 people come talk about it with me and they were only back for like a half an hour, I'm sure I'll have more today. I guess there "fun" weekend away turned into a crappy some people vs. others weekend. 

at least this weekend we are having a staff day away and going to the zoo!! Yay! I love the zoo, and i'm pretty sure it's going to be hilarious with Chris and Ian there (they're heterosexual life partners  :) )

You know what right now, as cheesy as it sounds... I really want a hug. Like a big bear hug, that would be really nice right now : /  hmmmm....where is my co when I need him?

++ so vacation was great...boring at times but good. My little cousin is sooo adorable. And i got to see Zach and Ashley and that was awesome tooo!!

+/- so I got bangs....some days I really like them but some days i don't...hahah it's a good change

+/- Last night I had my first Bonfire right on the lake, like right on the rocks...it's amazing!! We had to steal wood fand it was really fun, I was the get away car! hahah...But i also smoked a cigar with people, it was peach and it was really good and that is bad! Smoking is suppost to be bad!! no more cigars! I also really really wanted to drink, i kept on thinking how much fun it would be if it was a party and that's even worse! I really want to party though :-/

+ I really love the people here, I love my residents, and I love the RMs. I've actually have become really good friends with some of the RMs at 4 today I'll find out who the new RMs are going to be with us next year. I think I'm as nervous as the people recieving the letters! I hope they are good people, because we really have a good staff dynamic and I hope it stays that way!

--- I've been having quite a few emo days lately, and I want them stop! I really don't any huge reasons to feel emo, so i need to stop.

+++Only 3 days left of classes till spring break!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
+ my class that is at 9 am was canceled for wednesday it's also as boring as hell
+ I'm getting my hair cut on thursday...more of a trim but I'm really debating if i want those side bangs or not....idk. I'm just really sick of my hair sut now, I want something different. Should i get the bangs??
++++ My residents are awesome and I love them sooooo much!!!! Yesterday we were all hanging out in my room till like 1 in the morning it was hilarious
++ I also love the RM staff, I don't want people to leave though, I like the staff the way it is, we are all quirky and weird in our own ways it's funny
--I am very very poor I have like $90 to my name
+ It's really pretty outside, and in a hour i'm going to get a free tote (sp?) bag and water bottle and other free stuff YAY!!
++ I feel like I have more faith in God, I'm not going to church at all but it's like I feel him around me...idk it's weird, I guess I feel more spiritual
+ I love seeing happy couples, they're so cute

 Today a student at SUNY Oswego died from Meningitis. Craig Schiesser  was only 18, talk about having reality slap you in the face. Everyone is freaking out on campus because the disease can be very contagious, they don't know if it was bacterial or virial. But if it is virial it is bad! Bacterial is the only one that can be treated.  A very sad day in Oswego! D:

 ++ Britt came to visit this weekend, I think Oswego scared away...hahah. I had to stay up with one of my residents friends who got blastered and we had to carry her to and from the bathroom, and the puking was really a nice touch to the night too....hahah it was funny though, I wanted to make sure i didn't need to call savac so I felt better just staying up and making sure everything was ok. It took till 4 am to go to sleep. Well, at least Britt knows what it is like to be a RM....hahaha
++++ SPRING BREAK IS 2 WEEKS AWAY!!! AND I ONLY HAVE A WEEK AND A HALF OF CLASSES LEFT!!! YAY!!
--- My parent are being incredibly immature, which I don't feel like explaining right now. But pretty much I feel like I am being the parent to both of them sometimes
+/- Zach is going to Korea, he's leaving in september. He's going to be over there for a year! which means we won't see him for pretty much that entire time because it's too expensive to fly. This also means an other christmas with out him!! D: It's so incredibly weird, it feels like he's all grown up, and we're only like a year apart and I don't feel all grown up yet.....hahah. But i know this is something that he really wants.
+ I don't think I can express how much I love being a RM, you're probably getting really annoyed hearing about it but whatever : P  I feel so much more alive than I did last semester. Last semester I was just coasting through everything not really doing anything,  just there. I wasn't happy. But now I can say that I am truely happy with one aspect of my life, i may have lost a friendship with Jaclyn but I don't need her to bring me down and make me feel bad about trying to be a better person. I actually have friends now like more than 3. And I'm actually being 100% myself. I'm not scared of who i am anymore, and I'm way more confident then I have ever been in a long time. I feel like I'm on the right track, and I'm where i am suppost to be. I feel like everything is coming together and things make so much more sense. And I know that i'm not going to just lose all friends next semester because they moved to an other hall, it feels like I'm going to be friends with them for a long time.

 So...I've been really stressed out lately, I the chair person for the advertising for this fund raiser for charity called bid bon. And seriously, it such a pain in the ass, my group is not helping at all. It's basically me in one other person. For some reason they think our meetings are optional! And i have all the other RMs breathing down my neck wanting know whats going on and why is advertising not going so fast....and i don't want to throw my group under the bus and be like it's all their fault but if they don't get their asses together I'm going to have to talk to my HD. Cause I have a life and homework too and me and sarah can NOT do all of our work and their work. And it's really pissing me off and i really did not want to bring out my bitchy side but i think i might have to! D:<

In other news, I really miss my friends. I'm so happy i got to see Thea this weekend. It was aton a fun and we should do it again!!  :)

So, I've been really sick all this week...i had a fever and lost my voice. Yesterday, i could barely whisper which is very aggravating and everyone thought i was being weird...hahah. I also sounded like a 13 year old boy going through puberty and it was horrible. BUT today I got my voice back! YAY! Not completely but good enough. And it's just in time to see Thae and Dan where I'll probably talk too loud and lose my voice again but whatever....hahah. YAY!! I CAN"T WAIT TO SEE THEM!!

Last week was really sucky, I had 4 tests in a row and 2 on the same day. And there was a bunch of stuff I had to do for Bid Bon and what not cause i'm the chairman of advertising. I also went home last week which was awesome. It felt weird being home though cause i haven't been there in a month and a half but it was a lot of fun. I love my parents! I ALSO GOT A PUPPY!! He's a bloodhound and adorable!! He's probably the most cuddly puppy i have ever had. He always wants to cuddle and can't take a nap unless someone is holding him. He is so cute, we still haven't thought of a name for him. I want it to be Monkey because a dog named Monkey is pretty funny. My dad wants Dopey, Droopy or Dum dum. I like dum dum too, it's from night at the museum and this statue is like "Dum dum want some Gum Gum" and the puppy goes crazy when we say it so...also he is kind of special. He runs into EVERYTHING and it's hilarious and yes i think he will fit in with the family nicely.


ALSO!! I'm wicked excited for spring break, we're going to North Carolina (i haven't been there in at least 3 years), i get to see my uncle and his baby ( i've only seen pics of the baby). I also get to see Zach AND Ashley.  And I haven't seen my brother since July or something and I haven't seen Ashley in years!! SO I'm wicked excited! YAY!!!

So I've been really really busy and AH! and probably shouldn't be taking the time to write this but i'm going to anyway...

Things that need to be done
- 2 papers that are due tomorrow ( i have one that is have way done so it won't be as bad, the other one i'm going I have to pull it completely out of my ass)
- 2 tests tomorrow both have essays are both are in my 2 hardest classes
- then i have test friday 
- I have a black history month social that I have to do tonight
- then i promised Scott that i would go to his boobs and boners night
-I have to get all my stuff that i need to bring aka a lot of fucking laundry
-plan eating disorder workshop with one of my GST students ( who i recent;ly found had an ED since she was in fourth grade and basically was told she was 2 pounds from death...eeek!) But it's really cool....we're going to make shirts that say "we are Beautiful" and stuff, to help make people more comfortable in their  own skin
-finish writing recommendation for residents
-staff interviews on thursday for new RMs :*( I don't want people to leave

Things that can NOT happen
- me being sick ( which is happening anyway) i think there is me and 3 other people on my floor that haven't had the plague
- and most of all NO crushes on co-workers, that is way too big of a can of worms
-me procrastinating again this semester

Things to be excited for!
-Get to go home this weekend
- also get to see one of my new baby cousins 
- Then I get to see everyone the weekend after or as Dan called it a "family reunion" of my bffl's (JESS I REALLY HOPE YOU"RE COMING TOO!!  oh dear! that sounds dirty :P....anywho it  would be AWESOME!)

 I just wanted to say "THANK YOU! THEA!!" You area awesome and amazing!! It made me smile and made my day better! I LOVE YOU<333!